A reason to celebrate!

Stupid is as Stupid Does!
--Forrest Gump.

Four years back, when I first watched this movie, I had no idea how time will unfold itself before me. I had my dreams with me then, I have them with me now. Though I have no idea which one of them is going to come true, and in which order. I was walking then, I am walking towards them, as I write this. I believed in myself then, I believe in myself today. I believed I can write my destiny, I still can, though I don't want to write it myself anymore. This movie brought all the moments I have passed through and all the situations I have been through, sad, glad, depressing, rising, all the friends (gladly I don't see any enemies, from the position I stand) I met during all this time. The fine best moments, I had with my juniors, stupid I was, definitely was. Every moment I spent with them is a gift to my later life. My bloody finger stunt, who could ever forget that. Then some friends whom I can always look back and smile, just by recalling them and the conversations we had. Some friends who dared to call me a stupid, as I was, in front of everybody, anybody, anywhere, and believe me that made me feel glad. A few I told everything about myself (I mean all I knew about myself at that time) and know about them (of course all they knew about themselves at that time). Of course, all the time I spent in IIT, my best favorite friend were Chocolates. I never left them and they never left me. They always helped me in getting my things done, took me out of my depression several times and gave me the time of a lifetime. Dibesh, I always hated you for being so perfect ut in course of time I have seen your imperfections and I love you for them. Then the leaving part, I still do not know how I felt, but I remember Ashwani , his tears, when I was leaving. He didn't felt ashamed of crying, being a guy and he cried. One can call me anything, but I felt good when he cried, made me feel kind of important.

Then came a easy part, deciding about career. Punjab was definitely fun. I can literally see every moment I came across with Rahul , reading Ayn Rand, going to dhaba next to Lucky dhaba. I didnt knew its name then, how can I recall it now. Rahul abusing me from his room, unknown of the fact, that my parents are with me, in my room. The trip to Dharamshala, the most unique trip I ever had. Smuggling you inside LPU, Rajasvi from those water clogged fields in post mid night was definitely worth it. Sumo, Chocolate Cigars, something, Sumo stuck in the small river we tried to cross, I think that can sum it up.

Germany was definitely a journey worth taking. Nobody in the history of MPI's had got drunk the night before the interviews. But everything happens for a first time and it did too. There are incidents, I would define them as accidents, when every one of us becomes mature, I would say one starts to loose their innocence. So it happened. I matured. Swati, Roli, Ankita, Parkash, you are the craziest and loveliest people around. Crying was never that much fun, Sonal.

The Five Bastards started with only one bastard, eventually increasing to five. The two Italians, one German and an Iranian and sometimes a pretty Ukranian, the restaurants we visited, flammkuchen, oberursel, whenever I think of it, I am able to smell it, right under my nose. The stupidest talks we had, I can never imagine them without you, Bastards! Thorsten, I miss the conversations with you. Badminton was some sport I tried in Frankfurt, Thanks Badminton, but you are not fun without my usual Badminton buddies.

Fucking awesome Frankfurt! I have adored you, the way I love Jaipur, the city I was born. I miss your streets, I miss shopping (oh yeah, I am a shopaholic guy, I love watches, sport gears, novels and anything which has an element of NEW feeling in it, or everything which reminds me of my sweet memories) with Roli, it was fun, how we used to persuade each other to shop under the pretext that we are stopping each other.

I could literally see all this streaming before my eyes, while watching this movie again today.

And if people say, If I do not get over my past, I am stupid, then I would reply,
Stupid is as stupid does..:P

Tak.

Life is definitely a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
--Forrest Gump

I realise, I am definitely a man of celebration, as I was quoted this by a old friend of IIT, whom I met accidentally at NCBS, Bangalore.

IN BRUGGE

Up the tower,
In Brugge.

On the flow,
In Brugge.

Wander the streets,
In Brugge.  

Kiss a stranger,
In Brugge.

Drink till Dawn,
In Brugge.

Throw on the way,
In Brugge.

Pee in the river,
In Brugge.

Over the Bridge,
In Brugge.

Play the booty,
In Brugge.

Fuck the destiny,
In Brugge.

The Same!

Bee sting on a frost bite,
Noise of fallen leaf in silent lake,
Feel of the first string,
First Broken string of guitar,
my first proposal & your denial
feels all the same!


Tak!

The Story

All the characters have evolved and matured, some as I imagined, rest and most beyond my imagination.

I realize its not only the plot a reader likes to know, the reader is most interested in how the story unfolds itself and perhaps this unfolding has the capacity to give the reader goosebumps. The unfolding has everything to do with how a certain character makes his/her choices.  Its how a certain character and eventually all characters of the story change along the course of the time and story. How much these characters take from their surroundings, how much they retain their old, how much they are still themselves? or they have completely evolved into a new person? Why have they changed? Just to maintain their pace with the world or to outrun it.  Its going to be a good tale, definitely going to be a good one.

And if this note gives you the idea that I am going to pen down a story, then I disappoint you here. I do not have the capability to bound the story into few pages, because it never ends. The story keeps going on. Along with this unfolding of the story the reader too experience changes and himself becomes a part of a bigger story. I enjoy being a silent observer and I am waiting for the story to unfold itself. I am already having goosebumps.

Saurabh Tak

Awkward Moments, Oops!

How many times have you felt like hiding your face inside the earth, not because you have done something wrong, but it was just awkward. I list here some incidents which I have seen around me, you are welcome to add yours. Enjoy your guts!

• You write a mail to apply somewhere & forget to attach your CV along with it.

• Your friend comes in sporting her new T-shirt with a logo in front and you try to read it, too focused!

• You are travelling with a Bengali in a foreign country (let’s say Sweden, where local people don’t understand Hindi) and your friend from Delhi tells you, “Yaar ye banda itna bhi bura nahi hai”, (this guy is not so bad after all) while standing next to Bengali fellow. (Bengalis Understand Hindi!)

• You are in group of friends and your sisters’ boyfriend, one of your friends, is also there along with your sister.

• Your family is expecting somebody at home and you come out of the kitchen shouting the person’s pet name at your home, only to find that person sharing the same room.

• You went to see the girl you like and you start suffering from bad stomach.(Nervous)

• You forward the mail sent to Mr. Y for summer training to Mrs. X but you forget to change ‘Dear Sir’ to ‘Dear Ma’am’.

• You are helping your friend to write an application and at the end you write Regards, and your own name instead of her name.

• When one of your female friend see you near girls hostel and comment, “Tu toh bas yahi bas ja”, not knowing that your mom is standing behind you.

• When everybody is saying Number One, Number Two and so on according to their birth dates and you shout, “I am Sixer”.

• You are with a group of Chinese friends, and one of your Indian friends ask one of the girls, if she knows Kung Fu, during their first meeting. 

 

• You are an Italian guy in Germany and order a Pasta in a restaurant, but after tasting the pasta with black pepper over it, you shout, "I do not want Indian Pasta", not realizing that an Indian is also among your friends there.

Disclaimer :- None of these have any direct or indirect correlation with any person dead or alive.

Darkness

The dark corridor, today I understand, it was left that way, dark! I never could explain myself why a corridor in the midst was left dark. Today I do. The darkness there was after all not darker than the darkness dwelling inside people there, or the darkness these people are living in or the darkness many of these are going to be a part of soon and all of us someday.

Darkness, what an expression! Darkness, an expression for sadness, madness, fear, and above all an emotion, mother to all emotions.

There is a popular saying, “without fear there is no courage.” But how many do understand the meaning beyond the literal meaning. Well to me, it goes like this, ”Without fear there is no courage, without courage, one can’t be free, without freedom, there will be despair and with this despair one will soon start fathoming the depths of darkness. He will be alone there and will be frightened and therefore have to find courage to get out of there. Now I see darkness as the motivating factor to find one’s own courage, though we hate this very emotion. 

Some  will want to get rid of darkness as this is the only face of darkness to them, as was to me, when I was in dark corridor for the first time. Horror and terror of darkness was gone that day. Dark doesn’t seem to be that dark, though it felt more like myself, I felt closer to darkness in that bright sunny day.

Mysteriously most of us seek dark, although we detest it consciously. A child hides in a dark corner when her mother tries to give him a bath. Kids too try to find the darkest space, where nobody can see them, while playing Hide and Seek. A Caravan in the desert seeks a dark oasis with dark shadows of trees around.

Being a student of science myself, I will explain a little about darkness. What color you imagine if I ask about the darkest color? Black! Well black is defined as where all light gets absorbed, or you can say the amount of absorption is significantly greater than emission, so if you think about it there is more light contained in Black than light itself.

We come in contact with darkness before we come in contact with light. We come to life or light after nine months of darkness. Darkness gives life to life. Furthermore a man seeks the darkness of a woman to procreate another 9 months of darkness. Then why darkness is so dark, why?

I can never forget the moment, I befriended darkness and darkness like an old friend embraced me. I cried, I shouted, I kicked and I cursed darkness, the same darkness which let me in, in my moments of despair and pain. However darkness did not betray me, it kept its promise to withhold my cries within and my despair and pain disappeared in its own darkness.

Even the greatest source of light on earth, The Sun, gives you moments of darkness if you dare to stare it for a while. Universe originated out of sheer darkness, and may be one day when all stars have turned into Black holes or Neutron stars, it will be dark again, complete dark! So dark isn’t that dark. Still we detest the color of origin and Apocalypse.

On the contrary light displays your tears to world, and the world in turn does its best to keep those tears alive during the course of time and this is when light disowns you and one start seeking a shelter with dark. However darkness forgives one each time and holds within it as long as one wants.

I thank the destiny to put such a day in my diary of life, so that I understand the true nature of darkness.

Love you Darkness,

Yours dark friend!

Identity!

I always had a special interest in folklore and I have always been a fan of puppet shows. So, when after two years, I had a chance to spend my summers in India, I took this as an opportunity to enjoy puppet shows. Isn't it amazing to see something tied with strings and dancing and acting on the command of these strings? So I bought a whole season ticket of Puppet shows organized by Rajasthan Kala Kendra. Owing to my strong imagination or blame it to the time of these shows, which used to be immediately after lunch, I had an excuse to day dream during the shows. Puppets and lots of puppets talking to me about their dreams and asking me about mine. One such puppet was Shah Bahadur Khan, a prisoner puppet trying to escape, though failing in every single attempt, it made, became closest to me. One day Shah Bahadur Khan asked me, " Are you a free man?" I said,'Yes, I am'. The puppet smiled sheepishly. I felt like its puppet way of asking me to free it. Puppet wanted to be free, it doesn't wanted to dance anymore on puppeteer will. So that day after the show was over, I stayed a bit longer, till the curtain curls down and everybody leaves. Immediately afterwards I went backstage, cut the first string and went for the second one. Though the puppet was not free. The first string was still attached! Then I noticed a knot in it. The puppet reattached itself. 

"What are you doing?” I asked.

"What are you doing?” Shah Bahadur replied firmly.

I am setting you free, my friend. You don't have to act anymore. You can be yourself now, looking into his big eyes, I replied.

But I am myself. I want to be a free, outside the prison, but within this play, on this stage. This is who I am. The strings, hold me as who I am. These strings bring life to a puppet like me. Do you realize a puppet won't be a puppet without these strings?

I thought you wanted to be like me. Shah Bahadur gave a sharp smile and said, "We are exactly the same. The difference between my strings and yours is that mine are visible and yours are not!"

I felt a jerk on the old broken chair in the Rajasthan Kala Kendra bhavan, and I came out of my own personal show. The show and  the season were both over.